


drowning

by domokunrainbowkinz



Series: 2 am [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Bonding, Dreams and Nightmares, Fluff, M/M, Short One Shot, idk my dudes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 04:36:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14229423
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/domokunrainbowkinz/pseuds/domokunrainbowkinz
Summary: Yuuri has a nightmare and talks to Victor





	drowning

**Author's Note:**

> hello i still have writers block :)

Yuuri often dreamt about drowning.

Having grown up in Hasetsu, it’s strange he would even dream about drowning. The ocean was a constant presence, swimming a basic skill he learned as soon as he could walk. His parents always took him to the beach, where he and Mari would splash in the ocean happily.

But in these dreams, the ocean was not as kind.

The waves pushed and pulled him, suffocating him with each beat, an invisible force tugging his body deeper and deeper into the water. Everywhere he looked there was nothing: no land, no boats, no hope of being rescued. His nostrils would burn with seawater, his lungs clawing for what precious little air he could get from small gasps before another wave overtakes him.

Eventually, he would get tired. He’d give up, willingly allowing the ocean to embrace him as he sank further and further down. This was when he would wake up, safe and dry in his own bed, gasping for air because the dream always felt so  _real_. 

His family could always tell whenever he had nightmares. They would never mention it, but he always found a warm mug of hot chocolate for him at the breakfast table. In Detroit, Phichit only asked about it once, but somehow would always have extra blankets and a playlist of cute puppies when Yuuri woke up from this nightmare.

Victor never noticed until Yuuri told him about it, and ever since then, he’d always stay close to Yuuri in the morning. Not so close that he was overbearing, but close enough that when Yuuri wanted to, he could touch him. 

Which Yuuri did, even if he didn’t have nightmares the night before. It was strangely soothing, to always have Victor within reach, when all his life Yuuri had always maintained his distance from others, avoiding their touch.

Sometimes, he would see the same tiredness, the same shaken look on Victor’s face in the morning, and Yuuri would try to do the same. Stay close enough that Victor could put his head on Yuuri’s shoulder, let his warm weight sink into the side of his body.

(Sometimes, Yuuri wished they could stay like that forever.)

One night, the nightmare changed.

Yuuri woke in a cold sweat, his heart pounding painfully in his chest. Swallowing hard, he quietly padded his way to the kitchen to get a glass of water, only to find Victor already there.

He was staring at his own glass of water, his expression strangely blank. Tentatively, Yuuri approached him and tapped him gently on the shoulder.

“Hm? Oh,” Victor sighed as he turned, his expression softening when he realized it was Yuuri. “Sorry, I didn’t see you there. Nightmare again?”

“Yeah,” Yuuri replied, quietly pouring himself a glass of water. He could feel Victor’s gaze on his back, smell the faint scent of bodywash that he used in the shower.

“Same,” Victor said with a small smile. He regarded Yuuri silently, his eyebrows furrowing slightly as Yuuri took a gulp of his water.

“You…didn’t have the same nightmare, did you?”

“What?” Yuuri asked. Victor looked at him with a concerned expression, his features muted and blurry in the dim light. Dreamlike.

“You look more…shaken. Do you want to talk about it?” he asked. He set down his water on the counter, leaning against it as he faced Yuuri.

Yuuri sighed. Every part of him was telling him to drop the subject, to not let Victor know about the nightmare that revealed just how  _weak_ he was. The competitions haven’t even started yet, but - 

“I was drowning again,” Yuuri began, swallowing the lump forming in his throat. “But this time…you were also drowning with me.”

He heard Victor inhale sharply. Yuuri couldn’t look him in the face, so he stared at a point on the counter instead.

He tried to continue. To tell Victor how he reached towards Yuuri, the desperate look on his face burned into his mind as the waves pushed the two of them farther and farther apart. How Yuuri tried to reach out, to take Victor’s hand so he could pull them closer, but he was too weak, the waves were too strong - always pushing them away from each other, until Yuuri could no longer see Victor. He tried screaming his name, swimming with all his strength towards Victor’s direction, but he was gone.

The dream ended like usual: with Yuuri drowning. It felt different this time though, not the resignation he usually experiences, but painful failure. He failed, and Victor was gone.

A warm pressure on his hand. Victor’s thumb swept over Yuuri’s knuckles gently, a soothing gesture. 

“You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” Victor said. Always reassuring, always letting Yuuri set their pace. Letting him open up first, and then meeting him halfway.

Yuuri nodded quietly, then looked up at Victor’s face. Even without his glasses, in the dark, he could see the soft look on Victor’s face. He felt warm all over, that one look alone making his legs weak, and before he realized what he was doing, he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Victor’s waist.

“Yuuri?”

He heard Victor suck in a surprised breath when Yuuri held on tighter, burying his face into the warmth of Victor’s neck. He can feel the vibration of Victor’s voice as he spoke, the sound of his breathing, the dull thudding of his pulse.

“S-sorry, I just - “ Yuuri began, and he meant to pull away, but instead felt arms circle around him, pulling him closer.

“It’s fine, you just…surprised me.”

“Is this okay?”

He felt Victor’s laughter rumbling deep in his throat. “More than okay,” he replied.

Yuuri knew eventually he’d have to let go. Even if all he wanted to do was hold on tight, to stay in the bracket of Victor’s arms forever and feel his warmth seep into every crevice of Yuuri’s body, he had to let go at some point. But for now, he’ll cling as tightly as possible, memorize the feeling of Victor’s hands rubbing circles on his back, the smell of his skin as Yuuri breathes in deeply.

A small part of him hopes Victor will hold on as well.

**Author's Note:**

> come find me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/domokunrainboz/) and [tumblr](http://domokunrainbowkinz.tumblr.com/)


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